The Last Marauder
by LadyKatie
Summary: Some of us live our lives alone because of what we are. Remus Lupin talks of his sadness and loss. Is set after OotP but preHBP because there’s no mention of his new relationship. Oneshot.


**Description: Some of us live our lives alone because of what we are. Remus Lupin talks of his sadness and loss. Post OotP but pre-HBP **

**Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoat Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.**

**Author's Note: This was written after Half-Blood Prince, but really follows Remus' thoughts immediately after Order of the Phoenix. I've often thought that the sting of betrayal is far worse than the pain and grief caused by death and Remus knows both... **

The Last Marauder

Some of us were just born to go through life alone. For many people it is their personality that repels others. I never had trouble with that. People who don't know what I am often take a liking to me right away. I say all the right things and do what I must. I was raised by kind, gentle people with manners. I know what each fork at a table setting is for and how many courses a formal dinner should have. I speak French, German and Latin. I can recite poetry in all aforementioned languages.

No, these are not my problems. They have nothing to do with why my house is empty and I eat alone every evening. Some of us live our lives alone because of what we are.

I played with some neighborhood children when I was young, and distant cousins sometimes. Mostly my mother kept me at home learning how to be a proper gentleman. And then there was the attack. Most contact with the outside world stopped after that. My parents never told anyone what happened. Although my family wasn't extremely wealthy, we had a fair bit of money and a certain reputation to uphold. No one could ever know that one of us was no longer fully human. My father blamed himself, for his business with Greyback is the reason I was attacked, and, in his guilt, poured what money we had into research to find a cure for me. When it came time for me to go to Hogwarts my father was reluctant, saying that perhaps in a few years they would find a cure and then I could go. Mother insisted that I attend school right away. I've always believed that she merely wanted me, her burden, out of the house.

I had my first friends at Hogwarts. I clung to them immediately, so happy to finally end the loneliness, but careful to not give away my secret. The four of us went everywhere and did everything together. We were the Marauders; a name that came from our reputation for trouble-making. They were my only friends and the only people who didn't leave me when they finally found out my secret. In retrospect, I should have known that they would find out eventually, but I was so scared of it that I pushed it all to the back of my mind. I'd told them different excuses for being gone each month. Peter excepted them without question. Sirius was curious about where I had been going, but he was always more sneaky. His idea of solving a mystery was to follow and see the answer for himself. It didn't work for him. James was the first to suspect and add up the clues. Their best friend was a werewolf. And they didn't care. Rather than running away from me, they actually made it possible to stay closer to me. By becoming animagi, they could stay with me during the full moon without any danger to themselves.

We saw each other through schoolyard rivalries, crushes, loss of parents, everything. We were there together when Sirius' mother kicked him out when he refused to support Voldemort. We schemed together to convince Lily Evans to date James. We stood together and watched Lily Evens marry James. We were together when the war began and friends died. We were together when James became a father. And then everything changed.

James and Lily had to hide with young Harry. They were running for over a year and we rarely saw them. Sirius, Peter and I were doing what we could for the Order of the Phoenix, but our jobs were made increasingly hard by a spy. No one knew who it was, but information was being leaked to the Death Eaters and everyone was suspected. Sirius had been acting strange and secretive. Peter and I speculated that maybe he had turned. Every time I tried to talk to Sirius about it he got mad and left and I feared that he was the spy.

On Halloween night I received an urgent Owl from Peter. Only three lines which are burned into my memory forever. _James is gone. It was Sirius. I'm going after him._ And that's the way it appeared. Dumbledore told me that Sirius was James' secret keeper. Only Sirius could have told Voldemort where to find them. James and Lily were dead. Harry was orphaned. And then Peter caught up to Sirius and he was gone too. They say Sirius lost his mind; he laughed when they arrested him for killing Peter and some muggles. And I was the last Marauder. We had done everything together since the age of eleven and it had ended in betrayal and death. There was no one left to grieve with. No one to lean on. The only friends I had ever had were gone and it was just me.

For twelve years I was alone.

And then I saw it all over the papers. Sirius escaped Azkaban. He was on the loose and I could only guess what he was doing. I contacted Dumbledore immediately, concerned about Harry's safety. He asked me to fill the Defense Against the Dark Arts position so I could keep an eye on the boy and I agreed. Harry was so much like his parents that it broke my heart. I could see James in him and almost called him James more than once. There were so many sleepless nights that year. Remembering the friends who were gone was almost too much. I could see James and Sirius playing pranks on Peter. I could see them making fun of Snape. I remembered how we all were before the war.

I nearly passed out when I saw Peter's name on the Marauder's Map. And then I saw Sirius' name and I realized what was going on, why he had escaped. It was Peter the whole time. He was alive! He was the spy. I rushed to help Sirius, but Peter escaped. I was so happy that Sirius was back that I didn't care. We could find Peter later and justice would be served and we would do it together. For two years I had my friend back. Those were busy years and we weren't together like we used to be, but he was back. He was there and had been loyal all that time. And I felt something that I hadn't even considered in years; hope.

But with the good we must suffer the bad. The second war came. This time I watched as my only friend passed into the next life. I comforted Harry when I really wanted to scream in my own pain and anger. When I really wanted to rip Bellatrix to pieces. She took away the one person who kept me from being alone.

I never thought it was possible, but this time bore even less hope than the first. The first time I felt betrayal and grief unlike anything I had ever known. But I was rescued from my grief when I found out the truth. Now the truth stings me. Now two of my friends are dead and one betrayed us all. I know the truth about who was loyal and how it all happened. I know that there are no chances of being wrong again. There's no way to undo it. The truth is final and it mocks me for the temporary happiness I felt. The truth will always be that I am the last marauder.

Some of us were just born to go through life alone.


End file.
